Confessions of a Multi-tasker Who Doesn’t Really Like Inviting People into Her Home Let Alone Her Life

The Gospel lectionary text for this week is the all too familiar “Mary & Martha” story, and I have to admit a kind of bi-polar relationship with this text. There’s the feminist in me, who applauds Mary’s role as a disciple listening and learning at Jesus’ feet and who secretly loves the fact that Martha is asked to step away from what has traditionally been called “women’s work.” I like to imagine that Jesus told Martha to “just let Peter worry about the dishes.” On the other hand, there’s the part of me who worries about being nice, likes to make sure that everyone is happy and relaxed, and tries to make it seem as though I don’t care about housework or didn’t do a lot of it to make my home so clean and comfortable, but I did. I really did. I also imagine that I’m not the only woman who feels some tension with this text. For many of us who grew up in the church, we were told that the best thing to be was Mary, but only given tasks that allowed us to be Martha. Is it any wonder we’re confused?

The truth is I am a Martha Who Likes to Believe She’s a Mary and is Pretending to Be One but is Really a Martha and Probably Not Fooling Anyone. I am the Mary who turns into a Martha because no one else will do it. I am the Tootsie of the Mary and Martha roles. I like to believe that I can do two things at once and do both well—I can listen and serve Jesus at the same time, right? I can juggle all the balls, right? I can invite people into my home, but also secretly have my own timeframe for how long they stay, right? I can be hospitable… with conditions. I can be vulnerable… as long as I am in control of the process.

It’s obvious to me that the real problem with Martha was not her work. It was not that she was a multi-tasker. It was not that she wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable. It was that she used her work to keep Jesus at arm’s length—as a barrier to really letting him into her life. And she also used it as a barrier to her relationship with her sister too. Sometimes we want to be busy because we want to be distracted from what really matters. Sometimes we want to distract other people from noticing who we really are. It’s a way of keeping God and other people out. We let our various “roles” and “functions” keep us from real relationship, and don’t want to admit that we like it that way.

I once saw an icon of Martha, and she was pictured with her hands on her hips. It made me laugh, but I thought to myself is this how I want to be known? Do I want to be the pastor with her hands on her hips, nagging her parishioners? Do I want to be the friend with her arms crossed in front of her? Or do I want those open arms? an open home? an open life?